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NBA Draft Lottery Log

by Photo of Robert Jerzy

Given the fact that it is my first live NBA Draft Lottery, I decided to write a draft lottery log.

NBA Draft Lottery Log

Aside from the actual draft, free agency, and the trading deadline, the draft lottery is secretly one of the most important events for NBA teams. It defines your future and your strategy in terms of player personal going into next season. Teams can miraculously rise while others may consider trading their pick. The Warriors and Nets situation is especially spicy, since both teams could lose their pick if their pick isn't high enough. We can also call it the end of all Dwight Howard-to-Brooklyn-rumors.

The show, aired on ESPN before Game 2 of the Heat/Celtics series, obviously begins with last year's winners, the Cleveland Cavaliers including owner Dan Gilbert, Rookie of the Year Kyrie Irving, and Cleveland legend Bernie Kosar all wearing the same bow ties. This made them look like Adjustment Bureau employees.

While host Mark Jones talks, the camera cuts to a very unimpressed Andre Drummond and Thomas Robinson, both looking like they are about to get shipped to Russia right after the show. (Quick side note on Andre Drummond, who looks so much like a Derrick Favors clone. He is an early candidate for the “stay-away”-award ... and likely Michael Jordan’s pick if the Bobcats don’t get the No. 1 pick.)    

Just as I question the whereabouts of the unibrow, we see a cutting sequence of Anthony Davis, the likely number one pick of this years draft. 

We finally see Jones & Jay Bilas on screen, wasting no time to praise Davis’ skill set while simultaneously showing the Brooklyn Nets representative in the back ... which puts me in the tough spot to stare at her all the time ... blonde woman ... russian owner ... do I need to say more?

Five minutes to go until the lottery and both hosts tell us who the "others” are, starting with Bradley Beal, who forces Bilas into a Ray Allen comparison. Michael Kidd-Gilchrist on the other hand could be the steal of draft just when you look at this short video and the analysis by Bilas. Jeremy Lamb, the third prospect in this preview, immediately draws scary comparisons to Josh Childress and seems like a lock for the Phoenix Suns.

A couple explanations of the procedure, multiple Heather Cox moments, and a few cuts into the Celtics and Heat locker rooms later, we go into the last commercial before the action starts. I get the feeling that this event somehow feels rushed compared to the actual NBA Draft, where I am usually a mortal lock to fall asleep just before the 8th pick.

The lottery is back on with the analysts in the studio trying to predict the winner of the lottery - the stage for Magic Johnson jinxing his old enemy Michael Jordan while you simultaneously can’t shake off the foul feeling that Michael Wilbon always makes more fuzz about his statements than Ronny Turiaf about a made basket.

The lottery finally gets into action, presenting all representatives of the 14 teams, participating in the lottery. Every drama addicted person should remember the facial expression of these 14 people before and after the announcement of their picks.

Teams that landed exactly where they were projected

Houston at 14th, Phoenix at 13th (camera cut to Steve Nash setting his house on fire while walking away in slow motion), Milwaukee at 12, Portland at 11, Minnesota at 10 (that pick goes to New Orleans), Detroit at 9, Toronto at 8, and Golden State at 7.

We take a quick break here to see the outline of these positions. The Warriors were in dire need to pick at least at number 7 so they can keep their pick. Phoenix was a long shot for any pick lower than 13, will have a tough time selling Steve Nash into re-signing since the pick is not necessarily what you call leverage.  

The first climax of this plot

You remember the blonde bombshell, representing the Brooklyn Nets? Her name is Irina Pavlova. She is shown, as Deputy Commissioner Adam Silver announces the Nets win the 6th position in the draft. 

The Nets' pick was top 3 protected and part of the deal that brought Gerald Wallace to New Jersey/Brooklyn at the trading deadline and you can clearly see the reaction on her face as she realizes that the pick is gone to Portland. In this moment, I just wished for two things:

  1. Having Gerald Wallace there too.
  2. Showing Wes Matthews, the Blazers rep, again. He was so relieved that the original pick wasn’t high enough to draft a possible shooting guard, but now with the Nets pick, we could have seen Matthews in total F U mode.

Tiny subplot that says it all

Google “Adrienne Maloof-Nassif” and tell me that you know she was a cast member of “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills”. This is all you need to know about the situation of the Sacramento Kings. 

I feel sorry for DeMarcus Cousins.

The Falling Downs

After the Kings received their usual pick at #5, it is the Cavaliers, who open the order of the teams, that fall down a spot, followed by the Washington Wizards at #3. Although both teams could have used the Unibrow (just imagine Davis being paired to either John Wall or Kyrie Irving), position 3 and 4 are actually not that bad. 

Just before we get into the top two selections, we go into another break. There's a cut to LeBron James in his usual pre game routine, reading the book “Catching Fire” ... with the subtitle “but not in Cleveland”.

A Rigged Lottery?

Just for the purpose of suspense, both the Bobcats and Hornets representatives (Rich Cho and Monty Williams) are standing next to each other, awaiting the the number two 2 pick, which ultimately falls to Charlotte, resulting in a camera cut to Michael Jordan hiring a hitman for his old buddy Magic, who jinxed the ‘Cats just before the proceedings.

With New Orleans receiving the number one pick just months after they were forced into the trade with the Clippers for Chris Paul, they seem to get a consolation price in Anthony Davis. Many already consider conspiracy theories barring the fact that the NBA is still in control of the franchise until July. Conspiracy or not, with Eric Gordon on the roster and Pick 1 and 10, the Hornets are in a prime position to get back into contention after losing CP3 a couple of months back.

Charlotte on the other hand lost out on the Unibrow sweepstakes.  Picking second in such a deep draft isn't a horrible thing by any stretch, and the number of quality players that have gone second is high.  But there have also been misses recently, like Darko Milicic, Hasheem Thabeet, and Michael Beasley.

The show closes with an Anthony Davis interview and some realtors in the back waiting to sell Davis a house in the New Orleans area. Las Vegas already offers over/under bets for the amount of days his unibrow will see actual NBA time.

Let CHARGED.fm get you tickets to see your favorite teams live this summer.


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